A pantry for mere pennies

“Frugality is one of the most beautiful and joyful words in the English language, and yet one that we are culturally cut off from understanding and enjoying. The consumption society has made us feel that happiness lies in having things, and has failed to teach us the happiness of not having things.”

–Elise Boulding

We’ve all heard the tried and true beans and rice or PB+J remedies for snapping the grocery bill in check, but in truth, a single dish strategy can only take you so far. You need a comprehensive approach to last any amount of time. Tasting the spice of life is of the utmost importance, literally in this case. With that in mind, I’ve found a basic recipe for cutting the costs of food down to almost nil. It’s effective, still tasty and probably healthier than your current diet. I feel like we all know a lot of these things but they aren’t often practiced in the wild. I’ve seen some of my poorest roommates struggling with rent, all the while buying the tiniest Ben and Jerry’s tub possible every few days. Ugh. Practical economics train wreck! Let’s look at the specifics of how this works. Take my hand for a stroll down freetarian ave.

If you take nothing else away from this post it should be learn to cook often and well. Hard to overstress this really. Prepackaged anything is not only less tasty than fresh food, but almost always unhealthier and pricier to boot. Frozen dinners are portioned for a six year old; Ramen is tasteless garbage and the included bullion is a poor excuse for taste; mac and cheese doesn’t have an ounce of nutritional value. Shelf life be damned, it can’t possibly redeem this cesspool of a ‘food’ category. Instead, get to work on your own concoctions. Start with jazzing up pasta sauces with veggies and spices. Move on to hot dishes, quiches, meat/veggie loaves, whatever. Ask granny for a cookbook and go nuts. Even a simple blend of sautéed veggies and noodles can be made in a bazillion different ways to tantalize the taste buds. Rule of thumb: If a mash up sounds interesting, it probably is! Veggie pancakes might have been the best executed idea I had all last month. Learn to cook, get familiar with herbs and spices and never look back.

Before I go any further, I should say that if you’re really trying to chop the grocery bill, other things need to be chopped in concert, like your scruples. That lovely organic and natural grocery market down the road will have to survive on their yoga-pants wearing customer base until your income picks up. That said, not all of my ethical eating habits have been thrown to the wayside for the simple fact that meat is friggin’ pricey, and in stark contrast, a veg diet is waaaaaaay budget-friendly. Find your local fresh produce spot or farmers market, plan out potential meals for ~2 weeks and go nuts! Honestly, you’ll leave the place with more than you can carry for something like 20 bones. I almost feel like I’ve gotten away with something felonious when presented with this sort of bill. Fruits should be made a primary staple. Apples last weeks in the fridge and cost next to nothing. Oranges don’t have quite the same longevity but also cost chump change. Finally, no frugal fruit list is complete without mentioning the queen of them all, the trusty banana. Something so tasty and costing 59 pennies per pound is anything but bad choice. Buy produce in season to pinch a few more pennies and throw new bits in the mix.

The next commandment is to buy in bulk if possible. Newsflash, your friend with the Costco or Sam’s club membership, just moved up a notch in your social scale. If nothing else, pay your new bestest friend to get a gift card, which serves as a valid admission at the door. The fundamental point here is to get familiar with the numbers. Keep notes if you have to. Rates are the only digits that actually matter. That didn’t sink in completely? Rates, RATES, RATES! What you’re paying per ounce, per pound, or per item matters more than anything else. Establish a baseline rate for each of your foods and never buy below that number. Sale signs are admitedly shiny, but walking into a store in with a concrete, bottom-line-based mindset will overcome any amount of glittery signage. Some stores (ahem Trader Joe’s) aren’t so kind about putting rates even in the extra fine print. If the mental math is too overwhelming, avoid these places. They’re probably ripping you off anyway.

What’s on tap to quench the poor man’s thirst? Lots of tap… of the water variety. Of course, don’t be shy to make your regular tea or coffee, just be reasonable about it. What to avoid? Bottled anything. Get your gatorade fix by the powder if you must. Bottled water? If you drink this stuff regularly, stop reading this post, climb some stairs and hurl yourself out the nearest window. Reusable bottles are the new black, moron. Energy drinks might be liquid candy but they cost their weight in gold. Kick em completely. A frothy, caramel swirl, chocolate capichiniato at a coffee shop? HA! Puh-leazze. DIY, skip the frills, and save a fortune. Booze is a little tricker and near impossible for me to avoid all together. Plastic 1.75s suddenly have to become fair game. You’ll consume it slower anyway. Bars ding you for something like 5x what you’d spend on the store bought equivalent. Employ an alternative and more clever strat if you’re headed out. Pocket a flask, get a single cheap rail drink, pace yourself, keep inconspicuous and ride out your supplies. You’re not fooling anyone by playing classy anyway. Speaking of classy, what’s the consensus on powdered milk? Undrinkable? Haven’t gone there… yet.

Taking a dietary supplement? Has your doctor ever explicitly told you, “You have vitamin deficiency xyz and you need to take these daily?” No? Supplements cost a loan and a half AND pssssst, I’ll tell you a secret, the modern western diet gives you all the nutrients you need without much effort. Vitamins are largely a luxury for the well-meaning rich, not a solution for the hungry poor. Blah blah blah calcium, yadda yadda vitamin C… there are a few arguments to be made but for the vast majority of your needs, eat right and let the food you put in your belly serve as your source of nutrients. Guaranteed, an orange is much nicer on the senses and tummy than your vitamin C pill.

Pass it up often as you can socially afford, but at some point, invariably, you’re going to end up out to eat with comrades. If your buddy grabs the bill intent to pay, skip the script of reaching for your barren wallet. Instead express your gratitude and repay them in the interim with coupons for hugs and such. Never forget these friends.

Be extra conscious of snacking and overeating. Recognize what your body needs and cut yourself off early, drinking liquids to tide you over. Your meals will be more reasonably proportioned and, as a bonus, you’ll spend 10% more of your day to visiting the washroom. Yay! *flush*

Scruples still firmly out the window? Let’s see if I can’t push back a bit further because dumpstering suddenly isn’t below you. Taking a half step back, no one reading this blog is too good for day old loaf of bread a coffee shop is throwing out or a slice of pizza that’s sat under a heat lamp for the tail end of the night. These things are thrown out every single evening. Taking the plunge is definitely going a little further and in most cases technically trespassing. If you manage it, remember that the onion/mushroom/carrot sitting in a box or bag, now the garbage, at one point came from the dirt. Some of these items have outer layers we discard anyway. It’s a last resort but one that I’m glad I was shown the ropes for a year back. Speaking of freebies, are you or roommates moving? Even better, is Costco friend moving? Lend a hand, make sure good eats aren’t being tossed and salvage even the strangest of canned items. Expiry dates be damned! It’s worth a smell test at the very least. Hard to pronounce spices will be your best friend in this arduous journey.

Generic brands are the same as the brand name 99% of the time. Shell out the extra expense only if you know the store brand is inedible by comparison.

Finally, when you have a job and the lunch bell rings, if you aren’t reaching for something you packed, you’re doing it wrong. Such an easy step goes quite a distance in the long run. Most of the workers at a construction job I once had would get their lunch from Super America. It doesn’t take a college degree (or even a high school diploma) to understand that you’re pitching a good chunk of your not-so-substantial paycheck in that simple act.

TL;DR: Cook virtually all meals for yourself, learn to utilize that spice rack, buy based on rate, seize freebies and avoid eating out. Get used to being satisfied with a set of basics, adding a dash of a new spice from day to day. Whether you’re broke as a joke or sitting on an adequate number of pennies, something here can improve your diet and budget. Lastly, be happy for a life made simpler, healthier and more flavorful.

Postscript: A friend added that overlooked the average westerner’s ludicrous soda consumption habits. It’s so firmly cast out of my diet that I spaced on it entirely but Scott makes a valid point. Soda pop is completely unnecessary and full of junk. Put something useful in your body instead. Something other than bottled water.

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Not all questions are created equal

Stepping back from the frugality madness, I want to share with you some of the experiences I’ve had interviewing throughout the past couple months. Needless to say, there have been a lot of questions in both directions. Most of them sound familiar by now and, of course, some are better than others. After a while, many responses start to feel scripted and the art of the response really comes in making it look or sound like an original notion, while still delivering with confidence. But every so often an interviewer throws a curve ball. It could be something that lights up my eyes or, in contrast, makes them visibly roll. These are the ones I’ll be sharing: The best and worst interview questions I’ve been asked throughout this stupidly lengthy process. I’ll cover my fave five here in no particular order.

Exceptional question 1: Describe your favorite video game and why it was your favorite.

• My reply: Hands down, Command and Conquer: Generals – Zero Hour. There’s nothing more satisfying than optimizing build orders, strategically managing the macro and micro aspects of the map, and ultimately beating well-matched opponents in a non-stop effort of building and defending while wreaking havoc. The strong elements of strategy and the twitch-fast dexterity required had me hooked from day one. Aggressive play and relentless attacking was rewarded with wins up the wazoo. Playing in the Clan Wars league was uber challenging and I became a formidable GLA competitor in the 1v1 ladder.
• Why this question rocks: This was early in my interview process and took me completely off guard but it sparked an enthusiasm from the gamer I was in a past life. Basically, this question gets at the core of who I am and what sort of problems I find most compelling; namely, those where I can deploy a tried and true solution, adapting quickly to a new scenario in a sink or swim environment. The pressure has to be high and the pace needs to match.
• Brandon fun fact: I loved this game to an unhealthy degree and almost flunked out of college playing it obsessively. My best account had something like 1,500 wins at an 85% win rate. But while I was busy flaming noobs in forums and pioneering new strategies in a virtual RTS universe, we’ll just say my Calc III grade wasn’t exactly the same 85%.

Damn fine query 2: What happens when I load a web page in a browser?

• A shortened version of my response: On the DNS level, requests are made up the DNS hierarchy until the server with that URL namespace and corresponding IP is identified. Packets will hop from node to node, arrive at the destination server to request data and bounce back with the requested packets.
• Why I like this question: The whole concept of how the internet works is fascinating and I think everyone should know how information gets from A to B on a basic level. It’s hard to find an answer to this question in plain language. This answer comes from parsing through a lot of jargon and finally putting the pieces together on my own.
• Why it’s a good and not great question: There are too many ways to answer it and it’s difficult to know which will sound best to the interviewer or what level of detail they’re wanting. One could discuss the rendering of HTML/CSS/PHP in the browser or the processing that occurs on the destination server’s back end. Alternatively, one could go through logical network layers in any of a handful of network models and summarize what happens step by step. Figure out your audience and tailor your answer accordingly.
• Alternate universe response: The internet is a series of tubes…

Gosh darn good question 3: What’s your favorite layer in the OSI (Open Systems Interconnection) model?

• My reply: The physical layer. Binary is the new black. In fact, my desktop clock runs on binary UNIX time … and it follows that I never know what hour it is.
• Truth: My desktop clock is on 24-hour format. The more you know…
• Why I like this question: It’s not difficult but gives you some freedom to be silly while showing just a small nugget of knowledge.
• A better answer: The presentation layer is the best layer for three reasons. 1. It’s all about the presentation. 2. Presentation makes things look pretty. 3. There’s no time like the present… ation.

Outstanding question 4: In 60 seconds or less, describe the game of lacrosse.

• Brandon’s high-level description of lacrosse: Played on a rectangular grass field with a net at either end, two teams of even numbers try to score a ball in the opposition’s net using sticks with a small pocket on the end. Goalies for each team have larger pockets on their sticks. Players wear padding and routinely rough each other up. There are various rules to regulate hitting, ball control, where goals can be scored from, ect. Interviewer: How do you know when a team wins? Me: Ahh but of course! There’s a time limit, which spit in halves I assume. The team with more goals when the time expires is the winner. I suppose there must be overtime rules for a tie…
• Why I love this question: It probes your method of thought more than anything else. Though not technical, it’s still logical and straightforward. Most people (myself included) don’t know shit about lacrosse and can still answer the question on some level.
• A better question: The same thing in 20 seconds. 60 seconds just gives you too much room to stammer through unimportant details.
• Epic failure on my part: There was a god damn white board behind me that I only noticed after these interviewers left the room. FML. I promptly pointed out my error to the next interviewer who laughed and agreed that it would have been a clever way to run with the question.
• Lighthearted and just as truthful approach: Lacrosse? A bunch of brutes in plastic armor playing a form of field hockey where high sticking is not only allowed but encouraged. Requirements to play: You must be from a stupidly wealthy family and at least as douchy as hockey players if you aren’t one in the off-season.
• Feminist response: Originally a Native American sport, the modern version of Lacrosse is a grossly misogynistic game where boys assert that women they can’t hit like their XY counterparts. :sock the male interviewer in the nose and promptly exit:

Noteworthy question 5: Tell me about the last book you read.

• I replied: “Actually, the last book I read was titled” :pause, look around, BINGO!: “The Annotated Flatland: A Romance of Many Dimensions. This book is delightful on so many levels…” And I went on for two minutes about how well thought out the 2-d universe and social system was explained in every detail mathematically.
• What I actually read last: The pause and look around was stalling because I’d actually just finished reading The Means of Reproduction: Sex, Power, and the Future of the World by Michelle Goldberg. Interesting book, but going on about the global battle over women’s reproductive rights might have been more than the interviewer bargained for.
• Best/worst reply possible: The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn.
• Why this question is important to me: I read books and like to talk about them. More importantly, I like my potential employer acknowledging that I have a life and interests outside of work. That is, unless he was hoping for…
• The proper kiss ass response: Mastering Windows Exchange Server 2010 i.e. 900 pages of ultimate snooze fest. I’d sooner check out a knot tying book and master the noose.

For the sake of brevity, I’ll cut it short and save the terrible, no good, very bad questions for another post. Definitely share a response to any of the questions above or tell me an awesome question you’ve been asked recently.

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Jobless in America

Pedaling furiously down a traffic-infested arterial, I’m jolted forward without warning. My chain skips violently as it misses a tooth, the fourth time this ride. More than likely a cog or the cassette is in need of replacement, if not the chain also. I make a mental note and check when I reach my destination. Sure enough, half the teeth on the middle cog resemble the fin of a dolphin. Add it to a growing list along side brake pads, handle bar grips, a new helmet, front wheel and a mirror.

Which jeans to wear today? Dark and 2 sizes too large in the waste? The trusty former-favorites sporting uber trendy crotch holes? Perhaps I’ll try the pair that are all but shreaded at bottom, victims of a time when I didn’t roll up the pant legs while cruising two wheels. Who am I kidding? I have nothing to leave the house for anyway today. Sweatpants it is!

Waiting for laundry to finish, I stroll down the Ave toward the local produce spot. Passing a computer repair shop I recall applying to the week previous, I wander in and have a look around. Tracking down the manager, I inquire if maybe they would be doing interviews this week. “If you weren’t contacted by the recruiter, you must not have met the qualifications.” I shake my head laughing and leave in haste, steam jetting from my ears as I push onward to the market. This guy clearly didn’t know he was talking to The Brandon “TF” O’Connor! I recall the job posting in some detail. It stressed in all caps, “THIS IS AN ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION. PREVIOUS TECHNICIAN EXPERIENCE PREFERRED BUT NOT REQUIRED.” I hesitated four or five times before hitting the send button on this one, knowing this was lowering my standards five if not six levels. I could have done this job well 5 years ago. In a moment of weakness (or maybe strength) the deed is done and 100kb of carefully written material disappears forever into cyberspace oblivion, probably never read, much less replied to by a human.

This is to speak nothing of the nightmare that is dealing with financial institutions who seemingly never get a request right the first time. That is, unless of course, it’s in the form of greenbacks headed their direction. I hate you so much citibank.

The word picture paint you is of course a portrait of a recent college grad in the modern American economy which, at present, remains firmly in the pooper. Specifically, these are my accounts of living jobless for months on end, struggling to not end up homeless, constantly being denied work well below my experience and skill set, all the while trying to maintain some level of sanity. Dramatic as I make it sound, it could be a lot worse (thank you times a billion to friends and family). Through weathering this mess, I’ve found a handful of simple ways to ease getting by financially, psychologically, socially and physically. These things, I hope to share with you dear reader.

I want to make it clear before I go any further that I absolutely take a good share of responsibilty for not having a job right now. At some point soon, the search will end whether it be landing a less than ideal gig at a help desk or putting on an apron in a kitchen (let’s talk wasted education). To shift blame entirely to the external would be irresponsible and unrealistic. That said, I’ve done what I can to line myself up for success as best as possible. On the job search front, I’ve applied for upwards of 120 positions over the course of the past three months. Some of them push my current capabilities, others fit well below what I have done and can do for an organization. I’m a university graduate with plenty of people to vouch for my work. I’m technically savvy in a handful of arenas including Linux administration, networking, Python/bash scripting, Windows support and server administration, hardware troubleshooting, (I’m boring you already so) ect. I’m broadly knowledgeable in sciences and politics, debatably socially inclined and slightly above average in appearance (someone once told me so). What about that screams “I should be unemployed!” I don’t have the first clue.

I should also add that the anecdote I give in no way reflects my opinion of the folks in the Obama White House. To implicate fault on the current administration when financial overlords irresponsibly ran amok over the past decade (plus) leaving us in the current mess, would be both short sighted and dishonest. Say what you want about the stimulus, this recession won’t reach great depression levels precisely because action was taken. Argue whether more or less action should have been taken, but it’s pretty clear that he’s improved the economic landscape or at least saved it from ultimate disaster.

This post doesn’t (just) serve to vent frustrations or to extend an e-tip jar, but rather to set up a series of writings focused on living frugally while maintaining good overall health and wellbeing. I’ve lived with poor folk of all walks of life and a consistent trend I’ve noted is markedly bad economic decision making skills. Practical day-to-day economics are cake when you understand the basics, yet the obvious pitfalls happen all too often and serve a primary role in perpetuating poor living circumstances. Hopefully someone out there can take a note or two from what I’ve learned and extend their dollar a little further or track down a killer event on the cheap (or free!). I’ve got a few topics in mind, but suggestions are always welcome. Today, I bid you cheers with a glass of water.

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